the adventures of fallout boy

It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Fallout Boy, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling scarcely frustrated, Fallout Boy punched a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, she realized that her beloved Fallout Boy was missing! Immediately she called her fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Fallout Boy was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... pestering. Fallout Boy called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fallout Boy picked up to a very mad Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy calmly assured her that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually sassily sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fallout Boy. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Fallout Boy? Because she had snuck out from Fallout Boy's with the Fallout Boy only eleven days prior. It was a curious little Fallout Boy... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Fallout Boy got back to the subject at hand: her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy cringed. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy grabbed her whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Fallout Boy and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Fallout Boy took the nappy, busted-out hatchback, she had take at least ten minutes before Fallout Boy would get there. But if she took the Fallout Boy? Then Fallout Boy would be abundantly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by six dimwitted Fallout Boys that were lured by her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy belched; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she randomly reached for her carrot and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Fallout Boy rolling up. It was Fallout Boy.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so she knew she was running late. With a inept leap, Fallout Boy was out of the Fallout Boy and went explosively jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Fallout Boy into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. Fallout Boy was exasperated but at least the Fallout Boy was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fallout Boy sassily purred. With a inept push, Fallout Boy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish flaming idiot in a rice rocket,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured her. Fallout Boy took a seat right next to where Fallout Boy had hidden the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fallout Boy was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Fallout Boy noticed a abrasive look on Fallout Boy's face. Fallout Boy slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Fallout Boy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Fallout Boy right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Fallout Boy's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fallout Boy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Fallout Boy aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The Fallout Boy was plainly in view.

Fallout Boy stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been ten millseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Fallout Boy groped explosively in Fallout Boy's direction, clearly desperate. Fallout Boy grabbed the Fallout Boy and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fallout Boy,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little insensitive, so Fallout Boy knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her Fallout Boy tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fallout Boy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fallout Boy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Fallout Boy was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Fallout Boy was struggling to make her way through the bush behind Fallout Boy's place. Fallout Boy had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fallout Boys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Fallout Boy. One by one they latched on to Fallout Boy. Already weakened from her injury, Fallout Boy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fallout Boys running off with her Fallout Boy.

But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored Fallout Boy's Fallout Boy. Feeling relieved, God smote the Fallout Boys for their injustice. Then He got in His 'modded' Civic and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 20 venomous koalas running from a big pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Fallout Boy skipped with joy when she saw this. Her Fallout Boy was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes her favorite TV show, Fallout boy, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet hand grenade'). Fallout Boy was jubilant. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few bloody glove-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.

It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Fallout Boy, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling barely exasperated, Fallout Boy stroked a ninja star, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a tragically predictable turn of events, she realized that her beloved Fallout Boy was missing! Immediately she called her bed-friend, Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Fallout Boy was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Fallout Boy called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fallout Boy picked up to a very angry Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy calmly assured her that most South American hissing sloths panic before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually charismatically panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fallout Boy. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Fallout Boy? Because she had snuck out from Fallout Boy's with the Fallout Boy only five days prior. It was a electric little Fallout Boy... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Fallout Boy got back to the subject at hand: her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy shuddered. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy grabbed her rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Fallout Boy and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Fallout Boy took the homemade car, she had take at least five minutes before Fallout Boy would get there. But if she took the Fallout Boy? Then Fallout Boy would be abundantly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by three funny-smelling Fallout Boys that were lured by her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she fearlessly reached for her carrot and aptly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Fallout Boy rolling up. It was Fallout Boy.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so she knew she was running late. With a careful leap, Fallout Boy was out of the Fallout Boy and went wildly jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Fallout Boy into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her hammock. Fallout Boy was stunned but at least the Fallout Boy was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fallout Boy indiscriminately purred. With a calculated push, Fallout Boy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying beer-sloshed tool in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured her. Fallout Boy took a seat nearby where Fallout Boy had hidden the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fallout Boy was distracted. As if it really mattered Fallout Boy noticed a dimwitted look on Fallout Boy's face. Fallout Boy slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Fallout Boy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Fallout Boy right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Fallout Boy's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fallout Boy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Fallout Boy randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Fallout Boy was plainly in view.

Fallout Boy stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been six minutes. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Fallout Boy groped wildly in Fallout Boy's direction, clearly desperate. Fallout Boy grabbed the Fallout Boy and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fallout Boy,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little dimwitted, so Fallout Boy knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at her or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, she gripped her Fallout Boy tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fallout Boy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fallout Boy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Fallout Boy was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Fallout Boy was struggling to make her way through the swamp behind Fallout Boy's place. Fallout Boy had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fallout Boys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Fallout Boy. One by one they latched on to Fallout Boy. Already weakened from her injury, Fallout Boy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fallout Boys running off with her Fallout Boy.

But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Fallout Boy's Fallout Boy. Feeling concerned, God smote the Fallout Boys for their injustice. Then He got in His rice rocket and sped away with the fortitude of 11,000 venomous koalas running from a teensy pack of albino cats. Fallout Boy fell with joy when she saw this. Her Fallout Boy was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes her favorite TV show, Fallout boy, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet rusty razor blade'). Fallout Boy was excited. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few ebola-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Fallout Boy, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very frustrated, Fallout Boy stroked a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, she realized that her beloved Fallout Boy was missing! Immediately she called her lover, Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Fallout Boy was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... insensitive. Fallout Boy called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fallout Boy picked up to a very angry Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats shudder before mating, yet venomous koalas usually earnestly belch *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fallout Boy. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Fallout Boy? Because she had snuck out from Fallout Boy's with the Fallout Boy only six days prior. It was a striking little Fallout Boy... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Fallout Boy got back to the subject at hand: her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy sighed. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy grabbed her hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Fallout Boy and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if Fallout Boy took the homemade car, she had take at least five minutes before Fallout Boy would get there. But if she took the Fallout Boy? Then Fallout Boy would be scarcely screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by eleven stupid Fallout Boys that were lured by her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy sneezed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she aimlessly reached for her live hand grenade and aptly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Fallout Boy rolling up. It was Fallout Boy.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so she knew she was running late. With a skillful leap, Fallout Boy was out of the Fallout Boy and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Fallout Boy into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her hammock. Fallout Boy was displeased but at least the Fallout Boy was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fallout Boy flamboyantly purred. With a careful push, Fallout Boy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid social outcast in a Jap Trap,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured her. Fallout Boy took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Fallout Boy had hidden the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fallout Boy was distracted. Just as zero people expected Fallout Boy noticed a oafish look on Fallout Boy's face. Fallout Boy slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Fallout Boy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Fallout Boy right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Fallout Boy's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fallout Boy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Fallout Boy aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Fallout Boy was plainly in view.

Fallout Boy stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been seven hours. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Fallout Boy groped wildly in Fallout Boy's direction, clearly desperate. Fallout Boy grabbed the Fallout Boy and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fallout Boy,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little clueless, so Fallout Boy knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her Fallout Boy tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fallout Boy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fallout Boy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Fallout Boy was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Fallout Boy was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Fallout Boy's place. Fallout Boy had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fallout Boys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Fallout Boy. One by one they latched on to Fallout Boy. Already weakened from her injury, Fallout Boy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fallout Boys running off with her Fallout Boy.

But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Fallout Boy's Fallout Boy. Feeling frustrated, God smote the Fallout Boys for their injustice. Then He got in His time machine and jetted away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion 3-legged wallabies running from a shrunken pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Fallout Boy stumbled with joy when she saw this. Her Fallout Boy was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes her favorite TV show, Fallout boy, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet ebola'). Fallout Boy was jubilant. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few hand grenade-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Fallout Boy, woke up in a swamp. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling scarcely concerned, Fallout Boy deflowered a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, she realized that her beloved Fallout Boy was missing! Immediately she called her so-called buddy, Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Fallout Boy was unique. She was attractive though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Fallout Boy called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fallout Boy picked up to a very sad Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats panic before mating, yet venomous koalas usually wildly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fallout Boy. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Fallout Boy? Because she had snuck out from Fallout Boy's with the Fallout Boy only eleven days prior. It was a striking little Fallout Boy... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Fallout Boy got back to the subject at hand: her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy yawned. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy grabbed her refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Fallout Boy and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Fallout Boy took the Jap Trap, she had take at least six minutes before Fallout Boy would get there. But if she took the Fallout Boy? Then Fallout Boy would be exceedingly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by two funny-smelling Fallout Boys that were lured by her Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy grimaced; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling displeased, she aimlessly reached for her dull pencil and randomly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Fallout Boy rolling up. It was Fallout Boy.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so she knew she was running late. With a mighty leap, Fallout Boy was out of the Fallout Boy and went exotically jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Fallout Boy into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Fallout Boy was exasperated but at least the Fallout Boy was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fallout Boy earnestly purred. With a calculated push, Fallout Boy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless genocidal maniac in a 'modded' Civic,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured her. Fallout Boy took a seat exotically proximate to where Fallout Boy had hidden the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fallout Boy was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Fallout Boy noticed a stupid look on Fallout Boy's face. Fallout Boy slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her double chin when Fallout Boy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Fallout Boy right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Fallout Boy's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fallout Boy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Fallout Boy carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Fallout Boy was plainly in view.

Fallout Boy stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been six seconds. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Fallout Boy groped explosively in Fallout Boy's direction, clearly desperate. Fallout Boy grabbed the Fallout Boy and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fallout Boy,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little clueless, so Fallout Boy knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, she gripped her Fallout Boy tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fallout Boy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fallout Boy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Fallout Boy was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Fallout Boy was struggling to make her way through the lemur-infested moor behind Fallout Boy's place. Fallout Boy had severely hurt her double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fallout Boys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Fallout Boy. One by one they latched on to Fallout Boy. Already weakened from her injury, Fallout Boy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fallout Boys running off with her Fallout Boy.

About eleven hours later, Fallout Boy awoke, her armpit throbbing. It was dark and Fallout Boy did not know where she was. Deep in the humid imaginery desert, Fallout Boy was ridiculously lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, she remembered that her Fallout Boy was taken by the Fallout Boys. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a little Fallout Boy emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Fallout Boy sunk its teeth into Fallout Boy's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Fallout Boy's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

Less than seven miles away, Fallout Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Fallout Boy. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened gerbil. With a heroic thrust, she buried it deeply into her ear. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Fallout Boy... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Fallout Boy that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Fallout Boys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Fallout Boy, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly concerned, Fallout Boy groped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Fallout Boy was missing! Immediately he called his enemy in training, Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Fallout Boy was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Fallout Boy called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fallout Boy picked up to a very sad Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Fallout Boy. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Fallout Boy? Because he had snuck out from Fallout Boy's with the Fallout Boy only four days prior. It was a curious little Fallout Boy... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Fallout Boy got back to the subject at hand: his Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy turned red. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Fallout Boy and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Fallout Boy took the homemade car, he had take at least three minutes before Fallout Boy would get there. But if he took the Fallout Boy? Then Fallout Boy would be barely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by nine dimwitted Fallout Boys that were lured by his Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he randomly reached for his banana and thoughtfully stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Fallout Boy rolling up. It was Fallout Boy.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Fallout Boy was out of the Fallout Boy and went exotically jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Fallout Boy into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his time machine. Fallout Boy was concerned but at least the Fallout Boy was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fallout Boy indiscriminately purred. With a heroic push, Fallout Boy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted genocidal maniac in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured him. Fallout Boy took a seat frighteningly close to where Fallout Boy had hidden the Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Fallout Boy was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Fallout Boy noticed a selfish look on Fallout Boy's face. Fallout Boy slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Fallout Boy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Fallout Boy right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Fallout Boy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fallout Boy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Fallout Boy aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Fallout Boy was plainly in view.

Fallout Boy stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been five minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Fallout Boy groped sassily in Fallout Boy's direction, clearly desperate. Fallout Boy grabbed the Fallout Boy and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fallout Boy,' he rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little selfish, so Fallout Boy knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his Fallout Boy tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fallout Boy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Fallout Boy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Fallout Boy was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Fallout Boy was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Fallout Boy's place. Fallout Boy had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fallout Boys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Fallout Boy. One by one they latched on to Fallout Boy. Already weakened from his injury, Fallout Boy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fallout Boys running off with his Fallout Boy.

But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored Fallout Boy's Fallout Boy. Feeling worried, God smote the Fallout Boys for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and dashed away with the fortitude of half a million spotted wolf hamsters running from a shrunken pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Fallout Boy danced with joy when he saw this. His Fallout Boy was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes his favorite TV show, Fallout boy, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet weapon of mass destruction'). Fallout Boy was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few pipe bomb-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.

copy pasta?

Phry wrote:

copy pasta?

no, the story has just been retold 1000 times. For example.


It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Squeecky, woke up in a swamp. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously pleased, Squeecky slapped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a tragically predictable turn of events, he realized that his beloved bloody razorblade was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Squeecky's Mom. Squeecky had known Squeecky's Mom for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Squeecky's Mom was unique. She was plucky though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Squeecky called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Squeecky's Mom picked up to a very glad Squeecky. Squeecky's Mom calmly assured him that most albino cats sigh before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Squeecky. Why was Squeecky's Mom trying to distract Squeecky? Because she had snuck out from Squeecky's with the bloody razorblade only five days prior. It was a curious little bloody razorblade... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Squeecky got back to the subject at hand: his bloody razorblade. Squeecky's Mom belched. Relunctantly, Squeecky's Mom invited him over, assuring him they'd find the bloody razorblade. Squeecky grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Squeecky's Mom realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the bloody razorblade and she had to do it carefully. She figured that if Squeecky took the noise-polluting import, she had take at least eleven minutes before Squeecky would get there. But if he took the angstmobile? Then Squeecky's Mom would be really screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Squeecky's Mom was interrupted by six clueless Emo Turtles that were lured by her bloody razorblade. Squeecky's Mom sneezed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she recklessly reached for her potato and skillfully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the angstmobile rolling up. It was Squeecky.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Squeecky was out of the angstmobile and went scandalously jaunting toward Squeecky's Mom's front door. Meanwhile inside, Squeecky's Mom was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the bloody razorblade into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Squeecky's Mom was stunned but at least the bloody razorblade was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Squeecky's Mom sassily purred. With a hasty push, Squeecky opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Squeecky's Mom assured him. Squeecky took a seat ridiculously unclose to where Squeecky's Mom had hidden the bloody razorblade. Squeecky's Mom turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Squeecky was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Squeecky's Mom noticed a insensitive look on Squeecky's face. Squeecky slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Squeecky's Mom felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Squeecky asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the bloody razorblade right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Squeecky's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Squeecky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Squeecky's Mom could react, Squeecky aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The bloody razorblade was plainly in view.

Squeecky stared at Squeecky's Mom for what what must've been eight minutes. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Squeecky's Mom groped sassily in Squeecky's direction, clearly desperate. Squeecky grabbed the bloody razorblade and bolted for the door. It was locked. Squeecky's Mom let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Squeecky,' she rebuked. Squeecky's Mom always had been a little clueless, so Squeecky knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Squeecky's Mom did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his bloody razorblade tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Squeecky's Mom looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Squeecky. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Squeecky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Squeecky's Mom walked over to the window and looked down. Squeecky was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Squeecky was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Squeecky's Mom's place. Squeecky had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Emo Turtles suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the bloody razorblade. One by one they latched on to Squeecky. Already weakened from his injury, Squeecky yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Emo Turtles running off with his bloody razorblade.

About five hours later, Squeecky awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and Squeecky did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting secret vineyard, Squeecky was exceedingly lost. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he remembered that his bloody razorblade was taken by the Emo Turtles. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a shrunken Emo Turtle emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha Emo Turtle. Squeecky opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Emo Turtle sunk its teeth into Squeecky's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Squeecky's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than ten miles away, Squeecky's Mom was entombed by anguish over the loss of the bloody razorblade. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a careful thrust, she buried it deeply into her ear. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Squeecky... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the bloody razorblade that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Emo Turtles, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

Fall Out Boy?

LawnJesus wrote:

Fall Out Boy?

Different fallout boy, that band is so weird. >.>

I meant this fallout boy.

Fall Out Boy sucks.

LawnJesus wrote:

Fall Out Boy sucks.

Ayuup.
's what I meant. :3