Kali's spectacular piloting skills, or: DEUEEUUAAAUAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

so i got bored and decided to play IL-2 Sturmovik

GordonGuy wrote:

7:57 PM - GordonGuy: TAKE PICTURES
7:57 PM - GordonGuy: NO MATTER
7:57 PM - GordonGuy: what

so i did

firstly i chose this and decided to try and land it in one peice

it's made of cardboard and has bicycle wheels


but the nearest airport was like 40 miles away


so i fucked around on the way


SUCH DETAILED INTERIORS

the motherfucking pencil on the table even rolls from side to side when you tip the plane


so i found out how to get the bombsight working but i forgot to bring some bombs


hey it's me


then i realized my shadow was getting bigger and i wasn't looking where i was going so i stopped fucking about with the bombsight


oh god i shot the copilot and several engines


but now there was slightly more of a breeze in here


HEY HOLY SHIT LAND


i can't tell whether i'm close to the ground and the land texture is really shit or if i'm several miles up


so i tried landing


but then after somehow surviving that


i saw what looked like an airfield


but then i got stuck turning in circles by a river


STOP IT YOU WHORE


i had to put her out of her misery.

NEXT UP I CHOSE TO BE A FILTHY NAZI BECAUSE THE HE-111 IS A FUCKING AWESOME PLANE


I CAN'T SEE HELP


such detailing on these dials

pity i have no idea what they say or mean





i decided to take out my pent up frustration on the coastline


fuck your shit beach

and fuck all your sand too

EVERY LAST GRAIN OF IT


then i took out more frustration on trees


i missed.


i took my time familiarising myself with the cockpit. i think this means "NO SHITTING"


i kept getting distracted and forgetting how low i was flying


oh my god a clock

this game has everything


i had gained some altitude so i did some EXTREME NOSEDIVING


i'm quite good at landing


unless there are houses in the way


next i tried a fighter plane because i was boring of having other people in the plane too


then i accidentally found the 'fold wings' button


then after restarting i decided to test the effects of napalm on the ocean

i blew my back wheel off and didn't do much else


then the locals decided they didn't like me


water injection?

WOW!!!!


fueled by the excitement of my WATER INJECTION!!! i decided to try taking out some faggoty germans


EAT SHIT, FRITZ


i was rapidly running out of sky and i think they hit something vital because


next thing i know i'm making friends with the local aquatic wildlife


I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, HITLER.


then i sank.


angered by the loss of my SWEET ASS WATER INJECTION FUELED FOLDY-WING PLANE i busted out the COW-PATTERN BI-PLANE


it was a complete disaster


then because the russians obviously can't build anything good, i tried a british plane


fuck


you guys


yeah


they didn't like that one bit.


then i got a bit too close


that REALLY didn't end well


so i tried a jet and managed to accidentally bail out whilst trying to find out how to change something


this motherfucker BOUNCED


STOP BOUNCING


WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING


GOD DAMNIT


i then actually managed to find the other planes and went in for a close strafing run


fuck


spacial awareness is incredibly important


so after trying again


i took out one of them


i managed to fuck up a few more of these guys


then a SINGLE bullet killed me

i was not pleased

so i changed the map to something else but kept my jet


i actually managed to kill them all without getting killed this time


pew pew


yyeah eat shit


yep


these guys didn't stand a chance now i was actually concentrating


so after obliterating these fucks i decided to find an airport and land


but on the way i saw this sign and wondered what it meant


whilst i was wondering i spotted a church and took out my frustration at not understanding what "zundung" meant on it


then i found an airport on the map but couldn't see it anywhere so i landed in a field


god damnit stop tilting


after almost crashing into a river my mission was a success


yeah


i decided to take off to see if i could find an actual airport


but i ended up dicking about


it didn't end well. again.

i need to buy a joystick.

yeah

how old is this game.

uh

let me find the box

2006 ish

serious business

I have purchased this game now

MANUALLY

pretty poor graphics for a game made in 2006 but OH WELL FIREFOX JUST ASK ME IF I WANTED TO OPEN EACH PICTURE IN INDIVIDUAL TABS.

graphics are decent it's just fraps + photobucket = quality gangrape

let me go take a decent picture for you

Kali wrote:

graphics are decent it's just fraps + photobucket = quality gangrape

let me go take a decent picture for you

Oh.

Never give Kali something flying in Eshira kthx.

Markka wrote:

Never give Kali something flying in Eshira kthx.

He had a ship called the Hermes on our last RP.

yep.

no fuck you

kali is an awesome pilot

let me find some old photos

trying to airlift a radio tower

for sharq:



graphics are pretty awright.

i have il-2 and i suck dick at it

i suck dick at it too but it's fucking funny as hell to fuck around in




then as i was uploading it

i'll leave these here
hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn


then kali used kamikaze

it's not very effective.