Olden 40,000

Chaplain Thorn Razel charged the enemy line, his plasma pistol lighting the bloody plain a bright blue. A fierce strike of his Crozius Arcanum and a foul Ork Nob was felled in a crimson spray.

In the distance, a Looted Tank fired an autocannon at the Chaplain, each tank shot exploding against his Rosarius, not harming him in the slightest. "DIE, SCUM!" Thorn yelled at the top of his lungs, charging the tank.

Atop a cliff, the Eldar Warlock Elzaku smiled. "Just as planned."

Suddenly, Elzaku was launched 50 feet into the air by a power-fist. "Stupid puppetmaster," said Assault Terminator Marius.

Elzaku landed amidst the chaos below. Orks battled several Assault Squads of Adeptus Astartes, as well as an enraged Chaplain Thorn, who was pummeling Orks with a... tank turret. This Chapter's blue and yellow polka-dot colors were unrecognizble by the Ulthwé Warlock. Their helmets also seemed to extend upwards, ending in sharp points.

Quickly, Elzaku hid himself from their sight. They were too locked in combat to notice him anyway.

"YEW NOBZ!" yelled the Warboss. "DOSE PUNY 'UMIES'R KILLIN' US! STOMP 'EM! WAAAAAGH!" The Ork's name was Div, a name it did NOT like being called. To its 'boyz', it was only "da boss".

"OIM DA BIGGEST AN' DA STRONGEST!" Sadly, the obscene amounts of Orks that kept pouring in did not make the Warboss fare any better. Roughly 10 Assault Marines jumped onto it like flies, flies with Chainswords, that is. Needless to say, the Ork did not live long.

After seeing their boss dead, the Orks became chaotic and disorganized. They were quickly slaughtered by the remaining Space Marines.

Atop the hillside, Assault Squad Sergeant Kruglius raised the Chapter Banner. Its symbol was a skull with a rather large blonde afro, crossed by two pipes.

Written in High Gothic beneath this emblem were the words "TROLLS CHAPTER, FOR THE GOD-EMPEROR."

Surna IV had been regained. But the battle was far from over. As noted by Assault Terminator Marius, the presence of Eldar was undeniable. And a report from the Chapter's Battle Barge, Litany of Fail Litanies, indicated the presence of an approaching "Shadow across the Warp." Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus, prior to heretically killing himself with a power-dagger, said a new Tyranid Hive Fleet was advancing on Subsector Surna: Narran.

The battered chapter made all of the necessary preparations. Chaplain Thorn led the daily firing rites in the absence of Force Commander Alfred Hook, using live Orks and (Heretical?) Imperial Guardsmen as targets.

"The Trolls Chapter Fleet is tied up in another sector," said Commander Angel. In the background, muffled snickering could be heard. "Shh!" said a chortling Angel, before shutting off the Vox. This left only the Litany of Fail Litanies to defend their recruiting worlds.

However, before Hive Fleet Narran could arrive, the Eldar launched a surprise attack on Surna II, led by none other than Elzaku himself. The Eldar sought to disrupt the Hive World, distracting the Space Marines from the larger Tyranid threat. It was unknown why the Eldar would waste precious lives to disrupt the sector's only hope of survival, but Eldar were funny like that.

A drop-pod slammed into one of the many Spires, and out poured the various squads. Unfortunately, Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus died from the impact.

"Advance on the enemy!" yelled Thorn Razel. The horrified Rangers he had somehow spotted were soon mashed into a pulp by his Crozius Arcanum.

Kruglius sailed into the air, his squad following closely behind him. Elzaku was behind a wall of Guardian squads, a wall the Assault Squad easily cleared. Elzaku was blown onto his back by several hundred pounds of ceramite hitting the ground with enough force to crack it. Kruglius had miscalculated his jump, however, and found himself on top of the Warlock. Their eyes met, and Kruglius, perhaps by some psychic spell, or long-forgotten feelings, was mesmerized by the Warlock's sleek, almost catlike, features. Elzaku returned his smile, and at that very moment, a Wraithlord vaulted Kruglius high into the air.

Before Kruglius touched the ground, he regained his composure, firing his jetpack. The Wraithlord had hacked his battle brothers to pieces with its Wraithsword. Kruglius landed safely on the ground, but the Guardian squads and Wraithlord were rapidly advancing on him. He felt sharp pains as Shuriken Catapults impacted his armor. He ran back towards the drop-pod, passing Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus as he was perforated by the Eldar weapons.

Dropping his Crozius Arcanum, Thorn yelled, "I always gotta do everything myself!" From two fallen Tactical Marines, he grabbed a pair of Missile Launchers, loaded with Krak Missiles, and fired both at the Wraithlord. It exploded into four pieces, its splintered remains massacring the Guardian Squads as well as Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus. Only Elzaku was left standing, but he soon vanished with a smile.

In a moment's time, Thorn realized why Elzaku had smiled. Looking towards the sky, he saw Hive fleet Narran descend upon the planet.

Force Commander Alfred Hook was the only one standing amidst a sea of Tyranids. Surna III, the planet his once proud army had stood, had been overwhelmed by waves of Tyranids. Their carapaces were oddly pink, and smiles seemed plastered to their shapeless heads. These were tyranids he had never encountered before.

Large capillary towers erupted from the ground, and mycetic spores deposited masses of Tyranids. The Swarm surged towards him like a rising tide, and Hook saw only one thing left to do.

He reached for his modified Vox, adjusting the volume accordingly. "This is Commander Hook," he said. "I request backup on Surna III. In the meantime... you know what to do."

Suddenly, all fell still, as Hook's Vox thundered with raspy static. The Tyranids stood motionless, confused, with no idea of what was about to happen. Hook merely tipped the top hat that rested atop his head, which was bare and bald but for wisps of grey hair that was irresistibly well-groomed, a large, bushy mustache, and a stylish monocular implant over his right eye. A smile spread across his face as he raised his cane into the air, revealing it to be a Power Cane.

And then, from his Vox, poured the music.



With each beat, a swath of Tyranids fell. Hook's combat style was polite, graceful, and utterly devastating. He tapdanced on top of groups of Hormagaunts, each tap bursting one's head open like a melon. Every swing of his Power Cane smashed into one of his pink foes, the pulsing energy causing it to swell and burst like a Tyranid zit. His stylish monocular implant was suddenly revealed to be housing a Lascannon, and it subsequently blew away a line of Tyranids. Finally, his Power Cane cut a Carnifex's legs off at the ankles, or whatever the Tyranid equivalent was. The beast crashed to the earth, crushing countless Tyranids in an explosion of neon-green blood. The dying Carnifex then exploded, showering the battlefield in gore and hundreds of gallons of foul-smelling Tyranid ichor.

Thoroughly slimed, Hook carefully adjusted his hat, and wiped blood off of his outfit with a handkerchief. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the Warrior sneaking up behind him. A talon shot through his torso, filling his veins with a foul poison. Hook collapsed to the ground, though as his vision faded, he thought he heard the cries of his brothers.

"A Warrior-Beast got the Commander!" yelled Thorn. He ran towards the fallen Hook, stepping over Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus' corpse.

It had been only one day since the fighting aboard Hive-World Surna II. Upon hearing Hook's distress call, Thorn had rushed his men over to the infested Surna III, but alas, they were too late. The planet was showing signs of advanced Tyranid infestation.

"Thorn," spoke Apothecary Verne. "If you get Hook back to the Battle Barge, I believe I may be able to treat him."

"I need a Thunderhawk here, now!" cried Thorn into the Vox. More Tyranids were advancing on their position, their thunderous pink stampede shaking the desert ground.

Kruglius found himself in yet another hopeless scenario. His Assault Squad bravely jumped into a pack of Tyranid Warriors. He found it very difficult to concentrate - his thoughts kept shifting to that sly Eldar, Elzaku. Had the Warlock gotten into his mind and tainted his thoughts? Fortunately, the rest of his squad was able to dispatch the Warriors without incident. But suddenly, from out of the ground burst Ripper Swarms, which burrowed into the men's armor. Kruglius swung furiously, hearing his brothers dying once more. And then jump-packs. The Thunderhawk had arrived, and his squad was falling back. Why wasn't he? Curse that damned Warlock.

The Thunderhawk took off, and carried the demoralized Trolls to the Battle Barge. Minus Kruglius. And Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus, who was sucked into the Thunderhawk's intake valve just before he could get inside.

"I've analyzed the poison," said Apothecary Verne, after examining Hook's body for some time. "He can be saved, but not without Prime Gene Samples from this Hive Fleet."
"Prime Gene Samples?" asked Thorn. "You mean like... ahem-"
"Prime Gene Samples can be found by killing powerful Tyranids and dissecting them. Surna III would be a good place to start... Did you think I meant-"
"No."
"It sounded like you-"
"Nope."
"Very well then," continued the Apothecary. "Techpriest Bob and I wish you luck."
"About that," said Thorn. "We don't actually HAVE a Techpriest- oh, never mind..."

It was unknown whether Kruglius had survived or not. Just the same, Chaplain Thorn mentioned him in the Morning Prayer: "May his soul find the Emperor, and lots of beautiful horned women- but the Emperor, mostly."

"This will be a very dangerous mission," said Thorn, "so I'm dividing the squads into two - a Suicide Squad which I will lead, consisting of Neophytes and Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus. The other team will be known as the Safe Team, and will include Brothers Marius and Marcus, Assault Terminator Veterans. You are to-"
"Ass Terminators."
"What?"
"What?" Marius was already standing there. How he had moved so silently and so swiftly in his massive Terminator Armor, Thorn would never know.

Thorn looked at him in confusion.

"I call my squad Ass Terminators. It's shorter, easier to pronounce."
"...Very well. Marius, Marcus, and the rest of the... 'Ass Terminators' will be in the Safe Squad. The Safe Squad will take out the Warrior Beast, and obtain its Prime Gene Sample, and the Bio-toxin itself, if any is left. My team will go for the Hive Tyrant. Are there any questions? Yes, Brother?"
"Does this mean my squad can be called Ass Marines?" the new Assault Marine Sergeant asked eagerly.

Thorn skull-helmet-palmed. Zakius was no replacement for Kruglius.

On the desert planet of Surna III, deep within one of the Tyranid hives, the thick foliage sharply contrasted the barren sand. Capillary Towers grew here and there, releasing spores that stimulated the few plants to grow at an alarming rate.

The silence was broken by Marius' power fist pummeling a hormagaunt into the ground. Blood splattered outwards, and all that remained was a crater.

"I think you got'im," said Marcus, "but lemme make sure." He punched the flattened body, and it shuddered violently. A leg twitched. "Shit, this thing's still alive? I hope the rest of 'em aren't this tough t'kill."

Marius tore the leg off, and it was still twitching. "It's dead, dumbass."

Suddenly, a short cliff next to them twitched. It wasn't a cliff at all, but a Brood Nest. In a shower of foul amniotic fluid, a dozen Genestealers emerged.

"About- damn- time" Marcus said between punches. His power fists caved in Genestealers' faces. Rather than carrying a "wimpy" Stormbolter, he chose to dual-wield power fists. Marius, on the other hand, had managed to weld six Combat Shotguns together, rig them to fire simultaneously, and use them like a pistol. Naturally, they were all loaded with Explosive Shot.

One shot of Marius' shotgun-cannon, and the rest of the Genestealers were blown into pink and green confetti.

"Fucking Brood Nests," complained Marcus. He punched a gaping hole into it, and it deflated like a balloon as fluids escaped it.
"C'mon Marcus, we've got a Warrior to kill."
"I'm coming, I'm coming."
"Shit."

Neither of them knew how, but they had walked right into an army of thousands of Tyranids, of all shapes and sizes. Countless heads turned towards the pair of Ass Terminators.

Marcus looked at the massive army, and said, "NOW THE FUN BEGINS!"

Marius merely flipped a switch on his helmet, and his eyeholes became tinted.

A few minutes in, Marius and Marcus stood punching away, fleshbore beetles and venom shards ricocheting off their thick armor. It had long been completely coated in the neon green blood of the Tyranids, save for their eyeholes, which were cleaned by a (standard issue?) set of miniature wipers.

"HEY, WATCH THIS!" Marcus strangled a Termagant to death with the nerve cord from its fleshborer.

"OH YEAH?" Marius allowed a Hormagaunt to bite his power fist, and sent a charge straight into its head, causing it to explode in blood and brains.

Marcus punched a Warrior into the ground until it was flattened, looking like Tyranid roadkill.

"HONK!" Marius' power-fist sailed straight into a Zoanthrope, causing the soft, squishy mass to explode in a shockwave of synaptic energy, which killed several nearby Tyranids. Marius was strangely unaffected by this.

"BLOODY TWAT!" Marcus shoved a Venom Cannon into the mouth of its owner just before it fired, causing it to kill itself in a shower of brain matter.

Marius moved in front of a Carnifex, and yelled insults at it until it charged. He then deployed his personal teleporter, vanishing. The Carnifex ended up killing several dozen Tyranids in its anger, before realizing Marius was no longer there. It then realized Marius had teleported into its body cavity, as he punched through its chest, his power fist clenched tightly over its still-beating heart.

"FUCK YOU!" Marcus didn't have a personal teleporter, instead choosing to carry an Assault Pack, which was useless but for incinerating enemies with the exhaust. Which he was in the process of doing to a Ripper Swarm. He tossed Burning Rippers at Spore Mines that were still far away, floating in huge groups of Tyranids. They burst in showers of venom and shrapnel, slaughtering countless more Tyranids.
"NO YOU!"
"DAMN IT MARIUS! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT!"

The Tyranids suddenly began to flee. Marcus grabbed one by the tail. "GET BACK HERE YOU PUSSIES!" He began peeling off its carapace as it thrashed violently, squealing. "SHUT UP!" He bitch-slapped it with a power fist, knocking its head off.

Marius looked around. Something was amiss.

The Warrior Beast stood in a large clearing in the bizarre jungle of the Hive, obscured by dramatic swirling mists and the occasional tumbleweed. It reared its head, roaring loudly. It was interrupted, however, by a huge explosive shotgun blast. The creature was blown back several feet, stunned, but alive. Marcus ran up, and jammed a Hellfire Grenade into its eye socket. The explosion didn't penetrate its thick armor; instead, jets of plasma erupted from its orifices.

"Psh. Some 'Warrior Beast'," said Marius.
"Check this out," said Marcus, tying the Warrior Beast's severed scything talons to his pauldrons with another Tyranid's entrails. "I'm a Warrior Beast!"
"Isn't that tech heresy?"
"You call these things 'tech'? They must have screwed up your brainwashing."
"Not as badly as yours."
"So you admit I have a brain."
"No. That's how badly they screwed up."
"So where's this 'Prime Gene Sample' anyway? And the poison?"
"I think those talons will do for the former. As for the latter... your stunt with the grenade disintegrated all of its internal organs, including its venom glands. Nice going."
"Hey, what's that?" Marcus pointed at the sky.
"...I'm only gonna look if you swear to the Emperor you won't punch me again."
"I'm serious this time."
"That's what you said the last time."
"Fine," Marcus said, begrudgingly reciting his vow. "I swear, to the Immortal Emperor atop his Golden Throne, that I shall not punch my brother in the face when he looks where I am pointing."
"I'm amazed you know that many words. Now what is it-"

WHAM.

"Never specified which brother."
"Oof... son of a bitch..."
"Seriously though, look at that thing."
"Go to Warp, Marcus-...cool."

"Now, you're each getting one of these orbital uplinks," said Thorn. "They will allow the Battle Barge to launch multiple simulntaneous defensive and devastating multiple precision orbital strikes."
"Was all of that necessary-"
"YES. Now, allow me to demonstrate." He stuffed an uplink in Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus' hands, shoving him a good twenty feet away with a push. Zayl was then lifted up into the air by the preliminary beam of the strike, which negated gravity. "This is just a dry run," said Thorn. "No need to-"

BOOM.

"...huh. Well, they don't call this the Suicide Squad fer nothin'. Anyways, ready t'go?"

The Neophytes stared at him with bulging eyes.

Ten minutes later, they were deep inside the Tyranid hive, having placed three of the uplinks already. "Hive tyrant should be 'round here somewhere," called out Thorn.

Sure enough, the beast stepped forth. It possessed four arms, two of which ended in enormous scything talons. The other two were part of a Venom Cannon. It let out a mighty roar, which caused several of the neophytes to run in fear.

Shooting the heretics casually with one hand, Thorn locked eyes with the creature. "Today your reign is at an end, Tyrant."

But this Tyrant was clearly not ordinary. It possessed the Prime Genes that were needed to cure Hook, the very same genes that made it vastly powerful. It reared its head, and spit forth a mass of Bio-Plasma.

The plasma seared several neophytes into space marine toast, but Thorn was quicker. He readied his Crozius Arcanum, hurtling towards the beast. A Venom shard exploded against his Rosarius, but it did not hinder him. The creature brought its scything talons to bear, and Thorn felt his Rosarius falter. The talons skidded against his armor as he swung his Crozius Arcanum wildly. The Hive Tyrant was struck in the face, losing several teeth as it staggered backwards. The Venom Cannon fired again, piercing Thorn in the gut and dissolving poison into his bloodstream.

No ordinary man would have survived, but Thorn was no ordinary man, he was a space marine. The tyrant charged him with its scything Talons, but he stepped aside. A Neophyte took the hit instead, getting torn in two. The Tyrant bit off his head for good measure.

Thorn prepared another attack, but the Tyrant was expecting it. A Talon flung the weapon from his hands, while a second impaled him through the chest.

Rather than dying, Thorn merely began to laugh like a madman. The creature was taken off guard, just as Thorn moved his plasma pistol into the gap its missing teeth provided. Its head burst in a shower of sizzling brain matter.

As the mighty creature collapsed, Thorn looked around. He was the only one left alive.

"Bunch'a pussies. Ah, shit."

He fell to his knees, his wounds overcoming his will. Looking skyward, he saw something large in the air. A Thunderhawk to extract him?

No, it was a Harridan, a massive flying Tyranid. He had finally met his end.

But then he noticed something odd about the way it flew. It was awkward, spastic, not like a true tyranid. He then spotted Marius with his hand in its cranium, puppeting it.

"Hey Thorn. Need some help?"
"D-damn... you..." Thorn fell unconscious.

Back aboard the Battle Barge, Apothecary Verne was furious. "Neither team managed to recover any Prime Gene Samples. Hook will have to be placed in suspended animation indefinitely."
"Wait," said Thorn, freshly healed. "No one took any off of the Hive Tyrant I killed?"
"I thought you did that," said Marius to Marcus.
"I thought YOU did," replied Marcus. "And what about your Warrior Talons?"
"Those must have fallen off."
"Silence," spoke a mysterious voice. It was Phraius, the Chapter Librarian. "The Venom within the crystals that perforated Thorn's armor is similar in nature to that from the Warrior Beast's. A cure can be found from them."
"Nigger."
"What?"
"What?" And then Marius was gone. Marcus quickly left the room, to escape the wrath of Thorn and the Librarian.

"...Thank you, Phraius," said Verne. "I will begin research immediately."

Later, among the ranks of Space Marines, Thorn spoke, "The mission was a complete success. Our Force Commander will live, but his recovery may take some time. For now, I am assuming his role. Though this may seem unorthodox, I'd like to see someone try and stop me."

"Now, our attention should be focused on the larger threat - Hive Fleet Narran. Surna III has been almost completely infested, its inhabitants taking massive casualties. Our other worlds are also suffering from the initial stages. What we must do, is destroy the Hive Fleet entirely."

"First, we will deploy to Surna IV, to recover a lost Astronomic Array. Surna IV, as you know, is a jungle world home to feral Ork tribes and a sparse human population. The Orks have assumed direct control of the array, so we must take it back and use it to scan for weak points in the Hive Fleet."

"Our next target lies on Surna II. The Hive City there contains Occitanius Forge, which will provide us with proper equipment for dealing with the Hive Fleet. This Forge has unfortunately fallen to an Eldar strike force."

"Last of all, we will return to the hives on Surna III, and obtain a sample from one of its Reclamation Pools. This, and the previous objectives, will enable us to deploy a bio-toxin that will spread throughout the Hive Fleet, annihilating it to the last Tyranid."

"As we do all of this, a second, less important group led by Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus will focus on killing Synapse Creatures throughout the system, disrupting the Hive's progress. This will likely fail."

"When this is over, we will be able to remove the Tyranid threat from our system. May the Emperor watch over us all."

The following morning, Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus lined up a shot in a tree of Surna IV's jungles. What he thought was a Synapse Creature proved to be a small shrub. His concentration was cut short by an ear-shattering whine, and a blue and yellow polka-dotted drop-pod crushed the tree and him along with it.

The drop-pod opened, out pouring Chaplain Thorn Razel along with Sergeant Zakius and his Assault Squad. Then, the ground shook. Out of the mists of the drop-pod emerged the Dreadnought Garth, oddly larger than the pod he had just come from.

"All right," yelled Thorn enthusiatically. "Let's kill us some Orks!"

The rest of the marines charged ahead, however, Zakius' "Ass Marines" suddenly stopped dead, Orkish blades through their bodies. The enormous Ork Kommandoes had somehow snuck up on them! Zakius, meanwhile, was staring in fascination at a wild panther-like jungle creature.

"Emperor damn it!" yelled Thorn. A shot of his plasma pistol set off the grenade-belt of one of the Kommandoes, showering the trees in Ork giblets.

Garth grabbed up an Ork, saying with a voice robotically calm, "Dead or alive, you're coming with me." He then immolated it with his flamer and crushed the life from its body.

Suddenly, the jungle was filled with an Ork warcry: "WAAAAAAGH!" What must have been thousands of Orks charged out of the treeline. Ambush!

Thorn looked around. Zakius was nowhere in sight. Garth let loose his Assault Cannon, turning Orks into a fine red mist with Explosive Rounds. After each volley, the mighty weapon twirled around a good few times before settling in its rightful position. While ridiculously cool, it allowed many Orks the time to close in.

Dozens of bullets and crude Orkish melee weapons pounded against Thorn's Rosarius. He could see it beginning to flicker and die as he swung his Crozius Arcanum furiously. There were simply too many.

Suddenly, he heard the righteous screech of a jetpack. Zakius?

No. It was Kruglius.

Kruglius slammed into a mob of Orks, the impact of hundreds of pounds of ceramite knocking the Orks backwards or crushing them entirely into green and red pulp. Immediately, he swung his power axe straight into the face of an ork, severing its lower jaw. One of its eyes flew from the socket, trailing blood and brains as it sizzled with energy.

He set to work on the next Ork, using his beloved power axe, named "Occitanian Fury," but referred to as "Occitanian Brewery," for it was found resting in a bar on a Spire of Surna II.

Garth and Thorn rallied, beating orks into bloody masses of flesh and bone with their weapons. Garth's assault cannon became so clogged with Ork flesh it could no longer fire. Thorn's Crozius snapped in half as it blew all of the teeth out of a Mekboy. The Orks all rushed to scoop up the Teef, stuffing it in their pockets, just as Thorn pulled out his spare Chainsword and plasma pistol, and shot them all. Their heads exploded into sizzling chunks of skull and brains.

"LEG IT!" yelled an Ork. The other Orks suddenly turned and began to flee.
"PUSSY COWARDS!" yelled Thorn Razel. Turning to Kruglius, he said, "Praise the Emperor, you survived. But how?"
"I will tell you when we're aboard the Litany of Fail Litanies," said Kruglius. "For now, let's focus on the Astronomic Array. It should be cleared of Orks now."
"I've never seen Orks run from a good fight. You have some serious explaining to do."

"I was stranded on Surna III," said Kruglius, aboard the Litany of Fail Litanies, much later. "But I found a Land Speeder Tempest, still fully operational, abandoned there. Its pilot had been killed in a long-ago battle. In searching for you, I mistook the Astronomic Array for the ship's own Imperial homing beacon. I crashed on Surna IV, in the middle of an Ork Warband. That was when you came."
"As perfectly logical as that story is," said Thorn, "It doesn't explain how you survived."
"The Emperor must have been watching over me."
"Or perhaps, a Chaos God."
"How dare you accuse me of heresy! You've broken at least three tenets this afternoon!"
"But I break tenets FOR THE EMPEROR. What do YOU break them for?"
"I... don't?"
"I think this conversation is over. I've got my eye on you, Kruglius."

"You've got fail!" Zayl's cogitator yelled into his ear with ear-shattering volume. He felt blood dripping down his neck. Not this again.

Zayl got up; that is to say, he moved. His cogitator had awoken him from his "nap", taken standing up. His usual spot was in the center of an open field, where he was sure to see anyone that was trying to get him. Naps made scouting missions much less boring, because he didn't have to think of the boredom serving the Emperor gave him.

Was he a heretic? Probably. He'd always wanted to be a dancer, and a singer, back on his Hive World. And, well, a woman. He had saved his money all of those years, and finally took a shuttle to what he thought was a gender-alteration clinic. Damn, was he wrong...

They had banned gender-alteration clinics almost ten thousand years ago. The Imperial propaganda channel (which was every channel) never announced that. It wasn't fair. But at least they got rid of his most hated appendage. All part of the whole "celebacy and honor" thing.

Snapping out of his daydreams, Zayl decided to see what his cogitator was bugging him about this time. His earpiece informed him of a newly downloaded transmission. He played it back.

The transmission was barely audible. With all of the joyful screaming, it must have been a really cool party. He thought he heard some people throwing up, too. "Help... settlement... attack... CHAOS!"

Chaos. Zayl could feel the blood drain from his face. His knees quaked. Why did it have to be Chaos? They had taken Izzy from him, so long ago. Before he had joined the Space Marines. He could barely remember now, especially with his botched memory wipe. At least he hoped it was botched. How else could he have memories of being molested by the Chaplain?

Zayl finally moved again. A second step, closer to the treeline. He noticed it was bristling with weaponry. Damn it.

After the Kroot made off with most of his clothes, Zayl proceeded to the coordinates of the extraction point. The Thunderhawk wasn't there waiting for him. So there he was, a Scout Marine Sergeant and the only one who knew of the Chaos taint in Subsector Surna, standing in his underwear awaiting a Thunderhawk that would probably never come.

"Mission failure!" shrieked his cogitator. Why in Emperor's name did the Kroot leave my earpiece in?

The inside of the drop-pod was hot. Hot, dark, and cramped. Kruglius now knew the secret of how they made Garth fit into a drop-pod: They didn't. Garth's metal side was smashed against Kruglius, pushing his face against the wall of the pod. He prayed to the Emperor that this would be over soon.

The drop-pod slammed into the ground. Garth shifted, and the force of the impact travelled through the metal drop pod and into Kruglius' head. He was knocked unconscious.

Kruglius awoke in yet another dark metal room, only far less cramped. His armor had been removed, and he'd been dressed in a soft white robe. A door, the only one in the room, slid open. The doorway was light, and a silhouette stood framed by it. It took a few moments for Kruglius' eyes to adjust.

"Elzaku..." he said.
The Eldar wore a sly smile, and a white robe, as well. "Good morning."
"I don't understand... how did I get here?"
"I rescued you. Your squad didn't survive against my forces."
"You... you killed my friends?"
"Friends? They thought you a heretic, a traitor. All you ever had for them was loyalty, and all they ever had for you was suspicion. They hated you, Kruglius. If not by my hand, you would likely have died by theirs. But it doesn't have to be that way."

Kruglius' mind reeled from everything he'd been told. This Xeno surely must have been playing mind tricks on him. But he had to at least hear Elzaku out; after all, the Warlock had been the one who got him safely back to his Chapter.

"It doesn't?" asked Kruglius.
"There is a reason we Eldar are here, Kruglius. We can not afford to have the Trolls Chapter retain this system. Their gallantry has disturbed forces best left buried."
"Do not speak in riddles, xenos!"
"...Please don't use that word." Elzaku seemed genuinely hurt.
"...Sorry. I..." Kruglius blinked back tears. "I just liked the way Demon women looked. They always made fun of me for it."
"It's okay. Come here." Elzaku gave the sobbing space marine a highly heretical hug.

Kruglius pulled back, to look at the handsome face of Elzaku, and those eyes... were glowing green. A Hive Tyrant stared him in the face.

Kruglius woke up screaming. Thorn was standing over him. He yanked Kruglius to his feet, and pushed him towards a line of Howling Banshees. "You're all right. The fighting'll do ya good!"

Confused, Kruglius just started swinging. These Banshees clearly were not normal. Their helmets were modified so that their screams sounded like those of young human children. Kruglius found it more ear-splittingly annoying than disconcerting, as did the rest of his squad.

Garth had been outfitted with a Multi-melta, and its torrents of holy light melted Eldar troops and vehicles into steaming, bloody goop. Kruglius' power axe cut a Banshee in two right down the middle, her guts spilling in all directions. He stared down at the scene before him, and for the first time in the Emperor's Service, he felt truly horrified.

"What's the matter with you?" shouted Thorn, as he threw his Crozius Arcanum into a Warithguard. It flew backwards, knocking down a line of its allies and exploding. Thorn used the bayonet of his bolt pistol to hold off several Howling Banshees as he spoke with Kruglius.
"Sir, I don't think we should be here," he said.
"What?"
"I said I don't think we should be here!"

Everything fell silent. Even the Eldar stood and stared dumbly at Kruglius, who now felt himself blushing in embarrassment.

"You don't think we should be here? Are you questioning my orders? AND this campaign? You know what that makes you, Kruglius? A... a... DOUBLE HERETIC!"

Everyone gasped. Kruglius' eyes bulged.
"Garth, I'm repealing Directive IV."
The moment Thorn gave the order, Garth turned its multi-melta on Kruglius. He was quickly enveloped by the heat ray, and when Garth finally stopped, nothing but a white-hot depression in the Hive Spire remained where Kruglius had been standing.
"Completely vaporized," said Thorn. "Let that be a lesson to you all!"

The men were quiet that day, save for Zakius, the now-permanent Sergeant of the Assault Marines. They all quietly went about dispatching the remaining Eldar, and securing Occitanius Forge. Then they quietly rounded up random men and women and forced them to work on weapons until they dropped dead. Then they quietly kidnapped men to put through the glorious process of becoming a Space Marine, which less than half would survive. None of this bothered them, of course, only the fate of Kruglius. But Zakius was as cheery as ever, perhaps even more so.

He enjoyed watching Kruglius die. He knew it was hideously heretical, but he could not deny it. And then watching those wretched Imperial citizens in forced labor. He wished he could show them labor of a different kind. No, what was he thinking? Damn those cats on Surna IV... he would never be the same again.

Zakius went back to staring menacingly at the Imperial citizens as they manned the factory's equipment. Another one lost an arm. Son of a Wych! Don't they know how to operate machinery?

The last of Trolls Chapter 1st Company were in drop-pods. Though they had no fear, none supposed they would make it back alive. Surna III was a deathtrap, and the last obstacle in the way of total victory for the Imperium. With the samples of the hive delivered back to Apothecary Verne, a powerful bio-toxin could be deployed throughout the Hive Fleet, destroying it to the ship.

Chaplain and Force Commander pro tempore Thorn Razel, Dreadnaught Garth, Assault Sergeant Zakius, Assault Terminator Veterans Marcus and Marius, and Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus were all ready to be deployed. Two squads of Sternguard Veterans and one squad of Terminators was also prepared.

In a few moments all of the drop pods were away, launched in sequence by the Strike Cruiser. The pods made a meteoric descent through the atmosphere, slamming into the ground with enough force to end Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus' life.

The space marines filed out of the pods, stepping on Zayl's bloodied corpse on the way out. Zakius looked hugely suspicious, as he muttered into his Vox to no one in particular.

"What the fuck are you doing?" yelled Thorn in his face. "Do you want to give away our position?!"

All of the Tyranids in the hive suddenly came thundering down the slopes surrounding the drop pods. "Shit!" yelled Thorn, who began firing and swinging at the tremendous torrents of terrifying tyranids.

It didn't take long for most of 1st company to die, including Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus. The tyranids sent everything they had, and it seemed there was no hope of success for the Trolls Chapter.



Kruglius opened his eyes. The last thing he remembered was being obliterated by Garth's Multi-Melta. Now he was lying on his back in a white room.

Eldrad stood over him, smiling. He spoke calmly. "Kruglius, it is time to wake up... do you know why you are here?"
"No..." stammered the fallen Assault Squad Sergeant.
"This has been my plan from the beginning. The way to save an entire Craftworld requires you, Kruglius, to live. And do as I say. Uh. Forever."
"What are you talking about?"
"Of course, I forgot, you're human, and incapable of understanding my plan."
"Well, actually, it's more because you haven't told me anything-"
"SILENCE! Fine, I'll tell you. Hive Fleet Narran... it's the only thing stopping Chaos from spreading throughout this sector. They have a ship, which is hidden by the massive Tyranid fleet. They arrived shortly before the Hive Fleet, and were causing problems when it arrived. Now they are trapped here, and will be killed, unless the Hive Fleet is destroyed.

"If Narran is destroyed, Chaos will spread like wildfire. This sector will fall, and become a staging ground for a massive attack against the Eldar by the Emperor's Children. Slaanesh will be pleased.

"So you see, we have to let the Hive fleet devour all of subsector Surna, and eventually, the rest of the Imperium. It's the only way to save a few million Eldar."
"I... understand completely, Elzaku, I do... but isn't there another way?"
"That's where you come in, Kruglius. The Imperium's fate rests on your shoulders. For you will be teleported into the corrupted Battle Barge that houses the Chaos Champion Drakesonian. Kill him, and Chaos's leadership will crumble, plunging their forces into disarray. The Imperium will have no trouble mopping them up. This way, both parites will win. You can destroy the Hive fleet without fear of losing precious Eldar lives."
"Wait, I'm going to be teleported? When's tha-"

Kruglius was teleported.

When Kruglius came to, he saw only darkness. He thought perhaps he really was dead, before his eyes adjusted. He was standing in the twisting metal hallways of a Chaos Battle Barge. There was no silence to be found here; the screams of tortured slaves and unspeakable horrors reverberated through the labyrinthine corridors. Had he not known a Battle Barge's layout by heart, he might never have found his way to the bridge. Still, theis corrupted Battle Barge was as warped and nonsensical as its inhabitants. Navigating it took time.

Miraculously, he encountered no resistance on his way to the bridge. No doubt another part of Elzaku's plan. Teleport him in just as the usual patrols were in the exact right spots as not to hinder his progress. Finally, he came at last to the bridge. Only one man stood inside it, if he could be called a man at all. Drakesonian, the Chaos Champion.

Swarms of Tyranids closed in around Thorn, Zakius, the Angry Terminators, and Garth. Garth fought heroically, but a Carnifex clamped his arm with a Crushing claw, severing it. Electricity arced from Garth's arm socket, and the mighty Dreadnaught sank to the ground and exploded.

"Emperor damn it!" cried Thorn, unhooking something from his utility belt. It read "Tyranid Repellent Spray". He sprayed a stream of it, and any Tyranids who inhaled it backed away and exploded.
"What the Warp is that?" cried Marius. "That's not even canon!"
"I made it myself," replied Thorn. "I took some Apothecary brainwashing before we left!"

Soon, the Tyranids were all out of the crater, thoroughly repelled. That left only the small group of veterans standing near Garth's corpse.

"Praise the Emperor," said Thorn. Zakius fell to his hands and knees. "What the- Zakius, you hurt?"

Zakius' head flung back, his eyes aglow with infernal energies. "NO," he said. "I HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE."

Now at the edges of the crater appeared the unmistakable helmets of Noise Marines. Zakius had led them there! The Noise Marines cackled maniacally as they turned the volume all the way up on their Sonic Blasters. Music from an ancient time, now loud enough to be little more than cacophony, erupted from the weaponized audio equipment: "CRAAAAWLING IIIN MY SKIIIIIN...."

The Noise Marines revelled in the sonorous discharge, while the Space Marines were in agony.

Marcus teleported behind a group of Noise Marines, tearing one's arm off and beating the rest of them with it. The Noise Marines swarmed around him, and he punched them aside left and right. Meanwhile, Marius appeared behind Zakius, who was currently mutating into something beyond human. "NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW," said Zakius, his voice infused with the power of Chaos. "SLAANESH HAS GRANTED ME ULTIMATE POWER!"

"Hey Zakius!" yelled Marius. "I heard Slaaneshi freaks liked getting fists up the ass. So here ya go!"

Zakius' eyes bulged. His body began convulsing, blood spurting from his mouth. Marius wrenched his power fist out of the fallen marine's intestines, as it crackled with energy, searing the gore encrusted on it.

"Ew," said Marius, looking at the filth all over his power fist. "I'm going to go wipe this on Marcus." Marius ran off towards his battle brother, and the pair disappeared in the swarm of Noise Marines.

Now all that remained was Thorn, and ... Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus. "We have to finish the mission!" called Thorn to Zayl, and the two of them set out to obtain a sample from a reclamation pool.

Obtaining the sample wasn't going to be easy, especially with the Trygon sitting there. The massive Tyranid Ravener-King could not possibly be stopped by anything they had. But then Thorn remembered something. The orbital strike uplinks! He grabbed the last remaining beacons, slapping them on Zayl's back. The force of the slap sent him hurtling out of the foliage, face-to-face with the Trygon. "Now's your chance to become a hero, Zayl!"

Zayl, however, hardly felt like being a hero. He ran faster than the Doomrider away from the Trygon, with speed never before observed in a Space Marine. The Trygon roared, burrowing after him, and leaving the Reclamation Pool unguarded.

Thorn hurriedly put the sample into a collection vial, and requested immediate evac. He supposed he was the only survivor.

~~~~~~~~~

"So, I see you've rather come here," said Drakesonian. "Would you like to bear witness to the final failure of the Trolls Chapter?" He turned on a screen before him, revealing Scout Sergeant Zayl Rathmanus leading a Trygon to Thorn's evac site. "The fool rather doesn't have to try very hard at all to ruin everything, would he?"
"I can't understand a word you're saying," said Kruglius. "And I doubt any of it's true."
"YOU RATHER DOUBT ME WOULD YOU RATHER? Well, I'll rather show you how I would deal with lapdogs like you!" Drakesonian lifted his pair of Power Axes.

Kruglius raised his own Power Axe, only his glowed blue with pure energy, not the foul red of Warpfire. "Time to die, Drakesonian."
"Would I- WERE, I, to die, I would rather enjoy the feeling." Drakesonian charged at Kruglius, moving faster than any human could. A follower of slaanesh, all of his senses were enhanced, giving him great strength in battle. Both his axes clashed against Kruglius' one, and the Assault Sergeant was hard-pressed to even block Drakesonian's attacks, let alone make an attack of his own.

Drakesonian threw Kruglius against the bulkhead, denting it severely. Kruglius stumbled onto his knees.

"You are rather weak, just like the rest. But you could be so much more. I can offer you power, Kruglius. And rooms full of Daemonettes. The finest one-breasted stock Slaanesh has to offer, all complete with horns. It's what you've always fantasized about, isn't it, Kruglius?"

As the Chaos Champion spoke, his words pierced Kruglius' mind like a chainsword. It was all he wanted... but not any longer. He knew what he wanted now. "Right now, the thing I'm fantasizing about... is how it will feel to put my axe through your skull." Catching Drakesonian off-guard, Kruglius activated his jump-pack and rocketed towards him, a blow of his power axe cutting deeply into the twisted armor of Drakesonian, rendering it powerless. Kruglius backed up again, awaiting Drakesonian's next move.

"Bah! You think I NEED this armor?! Look at these muscles!" Drakesonian tore off his power armor, revealing arms as thick as hive spires. He grabbed up his Power Axes, his bulging veins throbbing visibly.

Drakesonian then lunged at Kruglius once more, now unhindered by armor. Occitanian Brewery flew from Kruglius' hand, and two Power Axes were laid into his stomach.

"You rather lose," said Drakesonian, cackling insanely. "No one can beat me, except in a sexual manner."

Kruglius felt searing pain, and electrical energy coursing through his toned abdominals. Pointing behind Drakesonian, Kruglius struggled to say something. The Chaos Champion only laughed more. "You wouldn't fool me that easily. Won't fool me that easily. Rather won't-" Drakesonian got a Singing Spear shoved through his chest. His next words were mere gurgles as blood spilled from his mouth.

Elzaku tore the Chaos Champion off of Kruglius, smiling. "Well done."
"Your timing couldn't have been worse..."
"I was just waiting for him to take off that armor. It was almost as thick as his head."
"This still doesn't make any sense."
"It's quite simple. You see, Drakesonian wasn't actually just a Chaos Champion, he was a Chaos Lord of the Emperor's Children, and quite powerful. Had he won this system, he might have become a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh. The only way he could be stopped was through an exact chain of events taking place, involving you and me. And it went... just as planned."
"He was a Lord? That's impossible..."
"No, because, you see, I used the Orks. I convinced them all that Drakesonian was merely one of the many Chaos Champions of Slaanesh, not a Chaos Lord. And whatever the Orks believe tends to become true. It's how they work. That's why you could defeat him, even though it's otherwise impossible."
"But I thought that required proximity... it was a-"
"Limited range gestalt field, yes, I'm aware of your classification. But with my psychic powers, I could extend the range. I could reduce Drakesonian to something less... over-powered?"
"That's brilliant, Elzaku..." Kruglius stood up, tearing the power axes from his body.

Elzaku stared at his sweaty, bleeding, and incredibly masculine form, and couldn't control himself any longer. He was in Kruglius' arms in an instant, his mouth pressed firmly against the Space Marine's.
"Hot," said a voice, coming from the ground.

Elzaku pulled away, blushing at his moment of weakness. Kruglius walked over to his Power Axe, picking it up.

"You do the honors," said Elzaku.

Drakesonian smiled at Kruglius. "My death will only bring me pleasure."
"You're wrong. It'll give many more people than you pleasure." Kruglius swung his Power Axe into the cranium of Drakesonian, killing him. Blood, brains, and what looked like noodles splattered all over the bridge.

"What about Surna III?" asked Kruglius, turning back to Elzaku.
"The Orbital Strike uplink worked. Zayl was obliterated, but the so was the Trygon. Thorn was able to deploy the bio-toxin and stop the Hive Fleet. The Surna sub-sector is safe."
"...I can't go back."
"Of course you can. You killed a Chaos Lord. No one can call you a traitor now. It all works perfectly, Kruglius... except..."
"Except what?"
"Except... it would mean goodbye."
"...I think we both know this could never work."
"Yeah... goodbye, Kruglius."
"Goodbye, Elzaku."

Kruglius was teleported.