A Change in the Making

Where to begin,

Well, I'm sure everyone's heard about me being banned, and before I explain myself, and how I'm trying my hardest to become a better person. Let me emphasis a few little things. I'm not here to bring anyone down, nor am I here to bring myself up, in anyway. I'm here to prove that I am truly sorry, and that I apologize for my immature actions. 'Trolling', 'Griefing', and 'Flaming'. We've all heard it before, I don't think I really need to explain all that I've done. But we can all agree my actions were wrong, immature, and quite frankly, childish. And, let me say this: I am not particularly here to get unbanned, more or less here to state that I've been trying to change, and that I want to apologize to the community as a whole.

Soon after I was banned, I took it upon myself to apologize to those I felt I hurt the most, this being: Rossii, Ness, and Moon.
All went well, I must say. I apologized to Rossii, who later then motivated me to try and become a better person, as a friend, and for this community. Ness later accepted my apology, and vouched that we should become friends again-- and we have. Moon on the other hand, from what I understand, can't forgive me, and I'm sorry you feel that way Moon. Maybe I'll make it up to you one day.

There's something I had Rutabega post for me a long time ago. Back when I first 'left' the community, a certain letter I used, in hopes to gain your forgiveness. Needless to say, I backed down on my word, and in the end proved never to have changed-- this ends now.

Quote :

Dear, Olden.

There is but a single message, I'd like to leave with you, my friends. Before I make my departure...

Thank you. In all honesty, I wish not to depart, but I must. I dug my own grave, as a friend so thoughtfully put it. And now's not the
time to turn back. This isn't an attempt to win over anyone's affection, or an attempt to gain acceptance back into the community
I put my heart into for so long, but a personal matter. Take it as you wish, but there's just some things I would like you, to know.

For as long as I've been apart of this community, I've felt liked, accepted. Something we all want, something we all need. For the first
time I felt like I finally had people to hold close, and call friends. And to this day, I still consider you all my friend, even if we've had
our feuds, or brawls. I just wish I could've undergone things differently then I did.

In recent times, I snapped. From matters away from the internet, and ones that reside inside. Pressure from outside influences, and
people within the community. I took the path I've been trying to avoid for so long. I became nothing but a 'troll', a 'manipulator', a 'flamer'.
I took pleasure from others pain, and I was striving to be a jackass. I let my emotions get the best of me, and after I felt I was back stabbed,
It all slipped. And I apologize, sincerely. For those I might've hurt, those I drove off, those I lost, and those friends that I pushed away.
In a thirst for revenge. I am truly sorry. Though, my cries and pleads might mean nothing now, take them as you wish, I just want you
to know, those of you that still held me as a friend through these times, I'll miss you, I really will.

I stayed within Olden for so long, because I truly felt liked, accepted.. wanted. Feelings I felt nowhere else. I tried my best to do
what was best for the community, I really did. But as I said, I snapped, let emotion get the best of me, and now I ruined it for myself.
And I truly love each and everyone one of you-- yes, even those who I considered my enemies for so long. I thank you for your affection,
even if it is null now. I thank you for holding me as a friend, and letting me reside within the community for so long-- despite the fact that
I took everything for granted, manipulated my way to power, and hurt those I held so dear. Maybe one day you can forgive me, but that's
for you to decide.

But there are a few people that I wish to leave a personal message with, a few people I held very dear at one point:

Ruta, Tru, Pat, Geo:
I thank you three for being my close friends, I thank you for your support, your affection. And I'll miss all three of you, It was fun,
back when we used to actually roleplay together. Fun, the basis that keeps this community together. And it's saddens me that I have to go,
maybe sometime in the future we can be friends again, just not now. I've used you too much for forgiveness.

Phear:
Phear, I wish to thank you, for trying to help me. Though I only pushed you away, and I am truly sorry. I am ignorant, and I pushed
away one of the few that truly wished for me to stay. And I thank you, for being one of my best friends, in this community. And I
appreciate it, I really do. I just wish I would've taken your advice, begged for forgiveness, maybe then I could've stayed.
Maybe then I could've been accepted.

Crimzon, Psyche, Talker, Lotus, and those I held as Friends:
I wish to thank all of you, for being my friend during this, and before. I know we've had our brawls, especially me and you, Lotus. But,
To this day I consider you my friends, and I thank you for accepting me.

Narran:
Narran, we've been friends for a long-time now, and I wish to thank you for everything. Even we have had our troubles, but in the end,
we've stuck together as buddies, and I only wish to for it to stay that way. And I only tried helping you, but only hurt you, and I in the end.
I'm sorry.

Mack:
Mack, though we haven't known each other for long, I consider you one of my best friends. We've both helped each other, and had
our moments, and shared laughter together. Hell, we've had our good share of fun. It's a shame to let you go, as well as the rest of
the community. And I wish you luck.

Krug:
Krug, though I blamed you at one point, for most of this-- I am sorry. And I appreciate the fun times we had together, the laughs
we shared at one point. And I apologize for the way I acted, against you, and everyone else. And I've dropped my grudges, against you,
and everyone else for that matter. Maybe one day we can be friends again-- just not now.

Divinity:
Boy, where do I start. Divinity, even we have had our times. I remember a time where we both considered each other friends, but that's
long gone, hidden in the past behind our grudges. It's a shame it turned out this way, hell, maybe we really could've helped the community,
but I ask of you. Return to Olden. Don't let me stop you, or anyone for that matter. And I apologize for the way I treated you, and if
you ever took any of my childish 'flaming' to heart. It wasn't truly me, and I'm sorry.

Rossii, Ness, Drakeson, and my other rivals:
I have to thank each, and everyone of you. As odd as it might sound. Though, we've had our brawls, and moments, I consider even you,
friends. Close friends, at that. We had our fun, too. I remember a time when we could roleplay freely, share laughs together, but that's
long gone. And I know this.. 'cry for attention' won't change your minds on me. But maybe one day we can put our hatred aside, like I have.
And be friends, again.

Matt:
Matt, I truly apologize. I thought I could do good for the community, and I fought to take you down from power-- only to help kill
the community. I made promises I couldn't keep, and only hurt everyone in the end. And I'm sorry for hurting you, too. Maybe we
can have fun again, too. Play a few matches in Counter-Strike, like we used too.

And anyone else I might've missed: Thank you.

With that being said, I'm sorry, to each and everyone of you. And maybe one day, I'll be accepted again. Maybe one day you can all
accept my apologizes, my cries. But that's for you to decide.

And, with that, I bid you all Adieu. Who knows, maybe we'll be reunited again, Olden. And I wish you the best of luck with your community.

-Zaku.

All I've said here is true, and I'm sorry, sincerely for those I might've hurt. I let the ambition to be above everyone else take control over me, and I hurt those I held close at one point.

You may be asking yourself-- "Hey, we let Zaku back in once before. And he only backstabbed us again. And, he's only banned for five days. Why does it even matter?"

Well, for one-- yes, I did turn back on my word. I did hurt my friends. And I can't apologize anymore then I already have. And I'm trying to change, I really am. You may also be asking yourself: "He's probably just craving for attention again." I'm not. I want everyone to know I'm truly sorry, not just those I contacted myself.

And may I state, this has nothing to do with Rutabega, his adminship, or anything of the like. Nor does it have to do anything with criticizing his conduct. For he did do the right thing. So please, keep comments that regard Ruta and his adminship to a mininum. I'm not here to start a drama-fest.

And with that, I bid you Adieu.

D'aww. If you've really taken it all to heart then I'd love you back sooner.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards change.
And admission is what I see here, indeed.
In some weird way, I wish that you had hurt me, just so I could forgive you.

Well, like I said, if all goes well I'd be willing to cut it down from five to three days, which would get you back on the 15th or so.

Gonna need some thinkin time on that.